Shop Till You Drop

Shopping at 130 kilos was practically impossible and I actually got to the point where often the largest sizes in plus size clothing stores would not fit me. I always pictured that if I was ever lucky enough to lose weight that the clothing world would be my oyster. I could go into any shop and most, if not everything, would fit me. My biggest problem would be that I had so many lovely options that it would be difficult to choose. These are the things I day dreamed about when I was bigger…

I have now lost 50 kilos and weigh 79.3 kilos (175 lbs) and I really thought I should now be able to fit into size 16's at the ‘normal’ size shops. I really don’t shop much because I can’t afford to spend money on clothes when I am still (trying to) lose weight so I haven’t had much of an opportunity to see what does and doesn’t fit me.  It is my birthday next week and I am going out for a nice dinner so I decided to head out shopping and treat myself with a new dress. 

I started shopping last week and I spent about 3 hours looking through all the shops in the city after work one night. I tried on every pretty dress in a size 16 (biggest size in most shops) and they were ALL too small. Some I can't get done up at all, others go on but are skin tight around my fat stomach and too big around my shoulders. 

So I am a bit shaken, but I head out again the next night, determined to find something nice to wear for my birthday. This time I try on not only the things that I like, but absolutely anything I can find that may fit me. It is a hot and sticky night and I am getting more and more flustered as I have to leave the change room and hand over about 12 items to a hopeful looking shopping assistant asking how I went. Each time I have to explain that they were too small and she offers to get me bigger sizes and I have to advise her that they are the biggest sizes in the shop. Joyful times.

I even try a couple of less trendy shops that go up to a size 18, while the clothes might not be my cup of tea, I am hopeful there might be something that is kind of wearable. I finally have success with a size 18 dress that fits. Well, it fits around my stomach, but is easily 2 sizes too big around my shoulders. I tell myself that I can wear a cardigan and it might not be noticeable. Then I really look at the dress and realize it is hideous and decide to just get the hell out of there.

Would you believe that I went back one more time over the weekend to try again (by this stage I had been to 3 different shopping centres!). I was supposed to be helping AJ shop for work shirts, but I couldn't help but have a little look for myself and try some things on. Same old story, everything clinging tightly around my fat stomach. I even tried the plus size stores, but they are way too big. I am stuck in limbo.

So now I am in full pity party mode. I am sick of my stupid deformed body that can't wear normal clothes. It is clear that nothing will fit me properly until I get body lift surgery to get rid of my hideous apron stomach and loose skin, but strangely enough I don't have a spare $20k sitting around to get that done! I just need to try and remember all the important reasons I lost weight and not focus on this one little problem...

One of the dresses that I tried on that I absolutely loved. It may look like it fits, but  I couldn't get the zipper done up at all. I wanted to buy it anyway, but at $280 I couldn't justify the expense for a dress that may not ever fit.

Weekly Goal Check In

Last Tuesday I set myself a few goals for the week to try and step it up and start losing weight again. I am extremely happy to be able to come back now and let you know that I did achieve these small goals. I am often not very good at sticking to my goals, but knowing I had made a public commitment really helped.

Make an appointment to get a fill in my lap band
I managed to get squeezed in for an appointment last Tuesday night and the doctor gave 0.2 mls, so I now have 5.9 mls in a 10 ml band. I was lucky to get that appointment because my doctor is now on leave until mid-February, so that would have been a bummer. I can feel the difference in that I need to eat a bit slower and food is more likely to get stuck, but I can't say that I feel like it has done much to satiate my hunger. I am not sure if I will ever find that sweet spot on my lap band.

Go to the gym 4 times
This was very hard, but I managed to get it done, even if it nearly killed me a couple of nights. I went to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Monday, as well as doing pilates at work on Tuesday afternoon for a little bonus workout. Getting 4 workouts a week is tough at the moment because I have a lot of things on, but it can be done if you really commit (and go to the gym late at night!).


Enjoy only one off plan meal on the weekend
Out of all my mini goals for the week, this was certainly the most difficult! My planned treat meal was Saturday night out for dinner and drinks with a friend. The problem is that on Sunday I was hung over and really wanted a cheeseburger and a coke to sort me out. Not only that, but I had several Christmas drinks/functions to go to during the week where I had to be boring and sip on mineral water while everyone else was drinking champagne.

So I was really happy with the work that I put in this week and I was hoping my effort would begin to show on the scales when I weighed myself last Friday. But no... So far for the month of December when I have 'stepped it up' I have managed to gain 100 grams. I can't believe I haven't lost any weight this month so far. So much for my plan to lose 3 kilos, it looks like that isn't going to happen unless I get decapitated.

Woe is me. I really hate the freaking scales.

Source

Bridesmaid Dress- The Before Photos

My Chinese bridesmaid dress just arrived in the post! Keep in mind that I just took the below photos myself in the disabled toilet at work so hopefully that explains the weird poses, crazy eyes and poor quality.

First thing first, massive sigh of relief that it isn't too small. Phew. In fact, it is actually too big and I will need to get it taken in. I think it will look a lot better when it is fitted around my chest and waist and isn't all creased. It'll also look better when I am wearing a proper strapless bra and some spanx. Not to mention losing 5 kilos and slapping on some fake tan. So let's call these photos the before pictures...

I am also thinking that it really needs a belt of some kind to break it up and make it look a bit cuter. The colour of the dress is actually coral (though it looks a little hot pink in the photos) and I am not sure how to accessorize it properly. I think we are going to wear nude/beige shoes, so does anyone have any ideas on the color for the belt? The bride is very easy going in terms of colours and what we wear, so anything goes!

All you gorgeous fashionistas please send me any ideas that you come up with for accessories. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Getting Shit Done

Source

Going to work can occasionally be useful because yesterday I heard about this great website at a seminar that I attended. It is called iDoneThis and is a great way to motivate yourself to get things done and keep track of your achievements. Everyday it sends you an email asking you what you did today and you just reply to it and it will update your information in a calendar for you.

There are heaps of uses for a tool like this, but I am using it to track my workouts. It'll be a great way to reflect at the end of each month and see if I am working out as much as I think I am and get a reality check. I'll be sure to bore you senseless by posting my monthly calendar of workouts!

Here is the email I received today...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi there. Take 30 seconds to write out what you got done today.
Today is day zero. Clean slate.
But remember the ancient wisdom -- a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single email.

Don't forget.
Just reply to our email to make an entry.
And put each thing you did on its own line
like
this.
iDoneThis is a part of the slow web movement. After you email us, your calendar is not updated instantaneously. But rest up, and you'll find an updated calendar when you wake.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have only just started to use it, let me know if you're using it and if you find it motivational. So far I have already logged my 2 gym workouts for the week, hopefully there will be many more to come!

PS- I hope this doesn't sound like a sales pitch because I have had it up to here with reading blogs flogging crap lately. Strangely enough it isn't so much the weight loss blogs I read, but the food, fashion and mummy blogs (not that I read many mummy blogs!) that are constantly posting boring reviews of crap they got for free. What is more irritating is that it isn't just one review, about 5 different bloggers will all have received the same free thing or invitation to an event and you get the joy of reading about it multiple times. I can't believe bloggers think we want to read a whole post about the can of instant coffee they received in the mail. Have they lost their minds?

Sucking It Up

Source

Since I have recommitted to actually losing these last 10 kilos things have been up and down. As usual, I am fine throughout the week, but weekends are tough. Too much eating out, too much take away and way too much chocolate!  I won’t even get started on the wine for fear of being called an alcoholic in the comments yet again... (I promise I am not even close to an alcoholic!) I really wish I had the motivation I had when I lost weight in the first 18 months of having the lap band. I have completely lost my ability to just suck it up and stick to a diet. This is somewhat understandable I guess because, let’s face it, dieting really sucks!

FOOD

I am beginning to think I may need to go and see my lap band doctor and get a fill. I have noticed lately that I am able to scoff my food down at an alarming pace and eat all sorts of things that I probably shouldn’t be able to eat with a band. God I hate going to see the lap band doctor though…  getting that look when you weigh in and see that you haven’t lost any weight again even though you promised you would. I might just have to suck it up and deal with the shame if I want any chance of getting through the holidays without a massive gain.

EXERCISE

I must admit that I am yet to go to my new gym as much as I would have liked because I did pilates last week at work and I was left with very severe DOMS. Just getting up from the couch was difficult for most of the week, so the idea of going to the gym was not appealing.  ß Case in point of my complete lack of ability to toughen up and just stick to a diet and exercise plan!

No more excuses, it’s time to make some goals for the week:. 

·         Make an appointment to get a fill in my lap band

·         Go to the gym four times

·         Enjoy only one off plan meal on the weekend

Those goals really shouldn't be too hard... Feel free to give me hell if I don't stick to them!

What are your goals for the week?

December Weigh In

It has been a long time since I have weighed in on this blog. I do weigh myself occasionally at home, but I don't really like the pressure of having to 'weigh in'. The last time I formally weighed in was back in April when I was 75.7 kilos (166 lbs), but at the time I was on a crazy low carb diet. As lovely as it was to see those low numbers, they didn't stick around for long once I caved and started eating carbs again.

I am hoping that getting back to weighing myself will give me the drive and accountability to lose 5-10 kilos (11 - 22 lbs) and be at a place where I feel more confident about my body and can comfortably wear clothes from the 'normal' shops. Not to mention the whole being a bridesmaid in a few months and not wanting to look huge in my coral chiffon dress! I also want to build my strength and fitness back up, but that doesn't have anything to do with weight loss and is more about exercising and eating the right foods to fuel my body.

The results...

Heaviest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285 lbs)
Current Weight: 79.5 kilos (175 lbs)

I am not too happy with that number because only last week I was at least a kilo lighter and since then I have had my eating 100% and been exercising. I strongly suspect that this is due to some new medication I started taking on Sunday that has given me crazy insomnia and I have slept less than 3 hours per night this week and last night I didn't sleep at all. So I am feeling like a puffy, tired, walking zombie at work right now. I can really understand why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture!

December is going to be tough. I have to admit that I have never lost weight or even maintained my weight during December because I do love me some Christmas cheer! I am not one to say no to a glass (or bottle) of champers or any of the delicious treats that surround us at Christmas. I love having an excuse to catch up with all my friends and family and have a drink and a laugh so I don't want to miss out on that this year, I just need to be more careful. Easier said than done...

I have set myself the rather lofty goal to lose 3 kilos this December. This is going to be hard because even on my best weight loss months I struggled to lose 3 kilos. It is achievable and I will do my best to reach that goal and come back here on January 1st 2012 with a good weigh in.

Is anyone else pushing themselves with weight loss goals this December?

Source

The Gym: Part 367

source

I cannot stress how boring I find the gym... I have discussed it many times on this blog. I just find it so ridiculous that I spend about 10 hours a day sitting on my arse getting to and from work and being at work. Then I go home and, in the small amount of free time I have, I walk on a treadmill. It also involves a lot of fiddling about packing gym gear, charging my ipod, remembering my water bottle and gym towel, taking money for the locker and then washing gym gear. The whole process irritates me.

That being said, I lost the bulk of my weight going to the gym, so I am well aware of it's many benefits. This year alone I started off going to women only gym and then cancelled my membership. Then I bought this elliptical machine to use at home, which I tossed out a few weeks later because it was a piece of crap. Then I bought an email deal for a $29 gym membership and I went for a few weeks but I didn't like the facilities and it wasn't really in a convenient location.

So why do I have an appointment tonight to sign up at another gym? I am blaming AJ. To be perfectly honest, I would be happy not to go back to the gym ever again, but I am going to support him. A few months back he hurt his back quite badly and he had to take a month off work and have daily physio visits. He has now gained some movement back and his physio has told him he has to join a gym to build his strength up. I feel bad making him go by himself because it is so much more motivating to do these things with someone else. It would really suck for him if he has to go to the gym while I am at home on the couch watching TV.

The situation with his back was quite scary and I will do anything I can to help him get back to normal because it almost killed him not being able to move and being in so much pain. It also nearly killed me having to do all the housework and 'man jobs' around our place! As you can imagine, I did not suffer in silence... Don't feel too sorry for AJ though because the lucky bastard managed to lose 8 kilos while he was sick.

This new gym we are joining is a 5-10 minute walk from my place and is open 24 hours, which suits me because I like working out at odd times. I hate being part of the after-work crush and would much prefer to go on a Sunday night when there are less men sweating all over the machines. AJ even emailed me before and suggested we should go to the gym at midnight on New Years Eve... that may be taking things a little too far...

If anything I should be happy for the motivation because it works well with Operation Bridesmaid Bulge plan and my mission to tone up my flabby arms. Looks like I will be pumping a lot of iron this summer.

Hideous flabby crepe paper arms

Operation Bridesmaid Bulge

Oh my God. It is exactly 3 months today until I have to be a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. How is it that I have let myself get fatter between now and when I first found out? I wasn't looking to lose a stack of weight, but a few kilos would have been nice.

We ordered our bridesmaids dresses online the other day and, according to the measurements we took, I am a size 24. WTF. Bloody Asian sizing... sob.

There is no fading into the background in a (size 24) coral chiffon bridesmaids dress so there is only one thing to do-- get my arse into gear. I have exactly 3 months to get back down to my lightest (and most comfortable) weight. Regular weighing in will resume on December 1 and I will be talking a lot more about diet and exercise and less about food and wine on this blog! But first, here are some recent pictures of me eating and drinking way too much...

Me dressed up for a race day party and practicing posing... after a discussion on an article we had all read on posing for photos. Not really a natural look!

Later that night with my brother... this is more like my natural look!

With an old friend at a wedding.

Seemingly enjoying that cupcake way more than is appropriate!

Power Bars

*EDIT* Pictures should be fixed now! They aren't that interesting though...

After having a lap band, I still find it incredibly difficult to get all the protein and other vitamins I need and as a result I have anemia, B12 deficiency and I am CONSTANTLY exhausted. This has been by far the hardest part about dealing with the lap band. You would think that losing all this weight will make you healthier, but I am not sure if I could say that about myself. I find it very difficult to exercise these days, I am always at the doctors getting more tablets and needles, I can't donate blood anymore and I have to get AJ to open a bloody bottle of soft drink for me because I never have the strength!

I do want to be healthier so I really think about every piece of food that I put in my mouth:

• Is it high in protein?
• Is it high in fibre?
• Is it low in carbs?
• Is it band friendly?

Of course I am nowhere near perfect and when I am digging into a tub of ice cream the only question I am asking is does it have caramel, white chocolate and macadamias?

One of the things I have relied on to get me through a busy day is protein bars because they generally satisfy all my criteria and it is easy to keep a supply in your desk drawer or in your handbag. I find them perfect for the afternoon sugar craving and they keep me full until dinner. God, I sound like an advertisement, but unfortunately no one is paying me to say this!

The only problem is that they are sooo expensive here in Australia. The low carb protein bars are generally about $4.50 each, which is more than I can afford on a daily basis. So I decided to see what I could find online and discovered that I could order a box of 5 bars for almost that same price from this website in the US. I bought 15 boxes and it cost me $120 (including delivery, which was the most expensive part). This works out at only $1.60 per bar, which is a much more reasonable price.

They are all Atkins brand, not because I am following the Atkins diet, but I just find them to be the nicest brand and I am also sucked in by all the yummy flavours. So here is what I got... I have only tried a couple so far, but my current favourite is the peanut butter granola bar.

Does anyone else have any good suggestions for getting their protein in?

The slightly crushed haul of bars that arrived at my work

Cinnamon Bun Bar

Cookies n' Creme Bar

Caramel Chocolate Peanut Nougat Bar

Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar

Chocolate Crisp Bar

Peanut Butter Granola Bar

Caramel Fudge Brownie Bar

Dark Chocolate Almond Coconut Crunch Bar

Peanut Butter Fudge Crisp Bar

Sweet & Salty Almond Crunch Bar

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar

Coconut Almond Delight Bar

Peanut Butter Cup

OK, these aren't protein bars, but I just had to try them!

Body Analysis Testing

A few months back AJ booked us in to a special exercise science studio for Metabolic Function Analysis. AJ works at a company where they are offer free health coaching and his health coach suggested that we do this to get a better understanding of our metabolisms and the foods we should be eating for weight loss. I was a little nervous because the centre deals primarily with elite athletes and it all looked a little serious for me because I don’t really believe over analyzing weight loss, but I thought it would be interesting.

The main reason we went was for the metabolism test where you breathe into a machine for 12 minutes and the machine tells you how you metabolise food. I went first and was told that my metabolism run 5% slower than the average person, which didn’t really surprise me too much. Then AJ was up next and his results showed that his metabolism runs at a 20% faster rate than the average person. Feel free to hate him.

We didn't do the Bod Pod test to get an exact reading of body fat/muscle analysis because I wasn't certain of the accuracy when I have a lot of loose skin that needs to be removed. I guess it would be interesting to do it one day, but I’m not really sure if knowing how much of my body is fat or muscle will impact on my life too much…

We were booked in for a 2 hour session but in the end we were getting bored so we cut it short so we could go shopping. The person running the session reminded me of one of those guys trying to sell you a gym membership. He didn’t really listen to us and just seemed to give us the standard spiel. I was prepared to tell him that I had lap band surgery and had previously lost 50 kilos, but I honestly couldn't get a word in and so I gave up.

TESTS

Exercise: This is an estimate of the number of calories you would burn with 30 minutes at a moderate exercise level.

Lifestyle & Activity: This is the number of calories you burn performing your daily activities (working, playing, eating).

Resting Metabolic Rate: This is the number of calories your body burns everyday at rest.

MY RESULTS

Exercise: 190 calories

Lifestyle & Activity: 456 calories

Resting Metabolic Rate: 1526 calories

To maintain my current weight: 1526 - 1982 calories per day

To lose weight: 1222 - 1526 calories per day

The consultant told me that to lose 1 kilo (2.2 lbs) per week I would need to eat 1400 calories a day and exercise for at least 30 minutes per day. He advised I balance my diet out as following:

40% carbs
40% protein
20% fat

If I ate like that I would be the side of a house! There is no way my PCOS body could tolerate 40% carbohydrates, but of course I wasn't able to tell him that because he was more interested at talking at me rather than listening to me.

I am probably being a little harsh on the poor guy, he really wasn't that bad. I understand that he is used to working with dedicated athletes so I don't think he knew what to do with a fat woman who has no interest in dedicating her life to exercise or calorie counting. It was a fascinating experience though and I'm glad we did it. I do recommend body analysis testing if you are curious to see your numbers... or just want to wear a nose clip and breathe into a tube for 12 minutes...

You can tell this was taken a few months ago because I am wearing my skinny jeans that no longer fit!

AJ taking this test very seriously! (stupid photo won't flip the right way, sorry)