2007 In Review

I started this blog exactly a year ago today. At the start of this year I made a list of goals for myself, some I have achieved, some I haven't...

Health & Fitness goals for 2007...

Maintain 2006 weight loss
This was my most important goal and I am pleased to say that I was able to maintain my loss from 2006.
Be under 100 kilo's by 1st June
Nope, didn't do it.
Be under 90 kilo's by 31st December
Definitely didn't do this one.
Do yoga classes at work
I started, but hated it and stopped. It wasn't for me, but I did try.
Start swimming
I did start swimming and it was one of the most fun things I have done in years!
Walk to and from work every day
I did this until I started my new job in December because my new work is too far away to walk, but I would say I achieved this goal.
Exercise for 20 minutes every morning before work
I did this sporadically, but I can't say that I achieved this one.

Other Goals for 2007...

Learn to drive
I did not achieve this, didn't even try.
Get passport
Yes I did this, I wish all of my goals were this easy.
Go on an overseas holiday
Yes, the most fun I have ever had!
Save money
No, life got in the way of this goal. I am very proud to say that I will be finishing this year debt free after paying off my credit card last week and that is good enough for me.
Complete Masters degree
Yes I finished this in June after about 8 years of non stop studying.
Learn to speak Japanese
Funnily enough I ended up going to Japan, I did try and learn the basics, but I didn't get any further than that.
Do volunteer work
I didn't do this, I haven't been able to find the time to commit to this, so instead I donate money.
Continue to be fulfilled and challenged at work
I was very unchallenged for a while there, so I got a new job that most definitely challenges me!

Overall I am pretty happy with what I have achieved this year. My biggest achievement is maintaining my 2006 loss of 14.5 kilos and on top of that losing another 10 kilos. For the past 20 years that I have been dieting I have aways been able to lose weight if I put my mind to it, it is just maintaining that I have had a problem with. I don't think I have maintained any loss longer then 3 months, so this is a huge achievement for me. It may seem like 2 years is a long time to lose 25 kilos (55 pounds), but I know that I have made life long changes that will give me a longer, healthier and happier life and that is what is important.


23rd December 2006


23rd December 2007

These two photos were taken exactly a year apart and I am supposedly about 10 kilos lighter in the bottom one, but I can't see the difference. I think the next 10 kilos are when I will see a much bigger difference, so bring it on in 2008!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

My Christmas

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas! My holiday period has been relatively stress free, especially in comparison to past years. On my birthday (Sunday 23rd) I went to the zoo with my dad (who came down from the country for a couple of days) and brothers and their partners and had a picnic lunch. I haven't been to the zoo in so long, so it was nice wandering around the gardens and looking at the animals all day.


A gorgeous gorilla at the zoo


Me with my dad and both my brother's girlfriends having a picnic lunch


Me at the zoo on a (fake) seal

After the zoo we went to St Kilda for dinner and cosmopolitans, followed by ice cream- like most of my meals are lately!


My brother, his girlfriend and a friend eating ice cream

Christmas eve was some last minute shopping, I love shopping on Christmas eve, it just seems so exciting. Then I met up with my dad and step mum for lunch on Lygon st and some more shopping. Later that night my dad and step mum came over and we had a lovely dinner and champagne at a restaurant across the road from where I live in Fitzroy. The food and wine was so lovely and the fact that it is directly across the road from my house means I will definitely be back soon!

On Christmas morning my dad and step mum came over on their way back to the country to help set up the gift they bought me- a boxing ball on a stand. I love boxing, so it is an awesome gift for me! Then I went to my mum's for dinner with my brothers and some extended family. We had the traditional Australian BBQ of prawns, snapper and salmon as well as hot beef and chicken roasts for those that don't like seafood. I ate to complete excess and felt sick at the end of the night, but it was fun!


The Christmas tree at my mum's- can you believe none of those presents were for me!


Me, my brother's girlfriend and a friend

On boxing day I attempted to go to Chaddy for the sales, but the crowds got the better of me and I didn't buy anything. I had some vouchers to spend and I love shopping, but I just couldn't make a decision with so many people around me. People get so crazy at these sales, I just can't see that it is worth it to save $20.

Yesterday I went to the Yarra Valley (wine region) with a friend. It is my absolute favourite area in the world and every time I visit I make all these plans to move there and build a gorgeous little house and run my own book store. We went to 5 wineries and I bought 7 bottles of wine, so I am not sure how that is going to go with my New Years resolutions... Then we had a late lunch and ice cream (of course) in Healseville before heading home.


Sipping pink champagne at a winery in the Yarra Valley


The beautiful vines in the Yarra Valley


Stopping by the side of the road to admire the scenery between wineries

I have a few more days off before I have to go back to work, so I am hoping to go on a few more day trips to enjoy some good food and wine before I get on board DIET 2008!

Merry Christmas

First thing first, another gain this week of 300 grams. I am disappointed, but it is not unexpected. I have eaten out at least once every day this week. I guess Christmas is the season to be jolly, not lose weight! I cannot wait for January and to get these extras kilos off and a few more.

It has been a pretty crazy week with the normal Christmas festivities and new job pressure. Then on Wednesday lunch time my mum, gran and brother's girlfriend (J) were involved in a serious car accident. My mum was stopped at a round about when out of no where a car drove into them at high speed. Apparently the driver of the other car had some sort of a diabetic seizure and lost control of the car. My mum got out of the car fine, but my gran and J were trapped in the car and they had to use the jaws of life to get them out. Remarkably they weren't seriously injured and my gran was released from hospital that evening, though J had to stay over night. They are all pretty sore and suffering from whip lash, joint pain, cuts and bruises, and J still can't walk, but they are ok. What a relief! No one on the scene can believe that they got out of the car alive- it is a total write off. My mum was the least physically injured, but she seems to be pretty messed up about it because she was driving the car and feels responsible. She also saw the other driver who was seriously injured and we are not sure if he made it through the accident so she is quite traumatised about that as well. So the whole thing was awful, but my family is extremely lucky to all be alive right now!

I am on holidays now until 2nd January and I really need this break. I have never felt so overwhelmed in my entire life. I am kind of wondering what I have gotten myself into at this new job. We had our Christmas party on Friday and I managed not to get too drunk, I figured I better act responsibly now that I am a manager. Last year at my work Christmas party I got incredibly drunk and got caught stealing a full bottle of wine from my table at the restaurant (we were leaving and it was paid for so I figured I should take it), got even more drunk at the after party and started to cry for no reason, flirted with a married colleague whose last words to me were "I better go before I do something I will regret tomorrow", then passed out in the taxi on the way home and woke up to the taxi driver 'massaging' me and telling me he had a day job as a masseuse and would I like him to take me inside for a rub down- ewww! So I guess you could say this year was relatively tame in comparison.

In other news it is my birthday today, I turn 27, I can't believe how old I am! I still feel like I am 16- it might be time to grow up... My dad is coming down from the country and we are going to go to the zoo for a picnic. My brothers are coming too and it will be a bit of a Christmas get together for my family because we won't see my dad on Christmas day. I never really celebrate my birthday because it is at such an annoying time of year and no one can ever do anything for it because they are so busy, so I have to rope my family in! Get ready for me to crack the shits by the end of the day when inevitably nearly all my friends forget! The only good thing about my birthday is that every year at this time Chaddy (shopping centre) is open 24 hours, so I can go and cheer myself up with some retail therapy at 3am. :-)

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Christmas!

Mixed Success

I was pretty pissed off to get on the scales this morning to register a 500 gram gain to take me back up to 102.3 kilos. It is really tough when you think you are never going to see a number again and then it jumps right out back at you. I know that I had to eat out a bit this week, but I was ultra careful. It makes me wonder how much I would have gained if I wasn't careful...

It feels unfair when I think about all the wine, cake, chips, lollies, slices and biscuits I didn't eat this week that everyone around me was eating. Why can't my scale give me extra credit points for all the things I didn't eat, instead of punishing me for what I did eat. :-)

What I find most frustrating is that I had this feeling of pride that I was going to get through Christmas without gaining weight. I have never done that before, but I am not sure if that will happen anymore. Instead I will stop thinking about my success in terms of the number on the scale and measure it by the choices I make. When I think back over the last week and the choices I made there is nothing I regret and that is the important thing. So I guess that even though I gained, it was still a successful week?!

Exhausted...

I have been at my new job a week now and I think I can safely say that I am totally overwhelmed. I know the first week is always tough and it'll get better, but right now I can't help but think back at the good old days when I had a mindless job and did nothing...

I go through ups and downs through out the day where one minute I think everything is great and the next I go into panic and wonder what the hell I am doing. I do love it though and I think there are going to be some great opportunities for me there so itll be ok.

I can see I am going to struggle with the amount of work lunches and dinners this job involves. I mean I can try and make healthy choices, but it can be hard to find healthy options on a lot of menus and even when you think you have it comes out smothered in butter, oil or creamy dressing. Not to mention the obligatory wine that is invloved and I have to partake because it makes clients feel uncomfortable if I decline. Normally free fancy lunches and wine would be my dream come true, but it feels a bit counter productive right now. I'll keep plugging away doing the best I can though.

I doubt I'll have a loss this week, but fingers crossed anyway. I ate out Friday night, went to a party on Saturday night where I got stuck into the wine and cheese and then I went to my mum's for a good old fashioned roast beef with yorkshire pudding on Monday. My exercise has been practically non-existent, but I know i'll get into the swing of things after I settle in. I am just so exhausted right now that the idea of fitting in exercise makes me want to cry. I feel good that I haven't dropped the ball completely though or used excuses about being tired and stressed to over eat, so I think that is good enough for now.

Sustainability

Yesterday was weigh day for me and I was very pleased to register a 400 gram loss on the scale, which is just under 1 lb. This brings me down to 101.8 kilos which is about 224 lbs. It was TTOM for me this week and I was quite sick with bad cramps so I didn't exercise very much and I caved in to a few sweet cravings, so a loss is great news for me.

I find it slightly unbelievable that I am so close to getting under 100 kilos. For the past few years I have held that up as my ultimate goal and I thought that I would feel different now that I am so close. As much as I want to get under 100 kilos, I am already thinking about my next goal which is 90 kilos. For a long time when my weight was so high (128.5 kilos) I really couldn't think beyond 100 kilos, but now I can see that I can go further then that.

I think the big reason that I am not so excited about reaching 100 kilos is because numbers on the scale are not my biggest focus anymore. Instead I am aiming to be consistent with my eating and exercise. I want this time to be different so the question I continually ask myself is can I sustain this behaviour for the rest of my life?

I know that I could lose 30 kilos in a few months by exercising for 2 hours a day and barely eating anything- I have done this numerous times and each time I have regained the weight (and more) because this is not sustainable behaviour. So this time I have been 'dieting' but I have not once felt like I am missing out on anything.

I have gone out with friends for drinks, had dinners out and even the occasional take away, but I have factored this into my calories for the day. Sometimes I go over my calories, but I figure that is just life and I can't stick to 1200 calories every day for the rest of my life. I know that if I deprive myself of too much that I will end up binging. With this in mind I make sure I cook foods I enjoy, my diet regularly includes burritos, pizza, butter chicken, spaghetti, red curry, chocolate pudding and ice cream. Obviously these are all low calorie versions, but they taste awesome and they easily fit within my calories for the day.

The hardest thing for me to do so far is learn that I can indulge in small quantities and it is ok. The first few weeks were extremely hard and I felt like slipping back into my 'all or nothing' mentality and binging all day just because I ate 2 small chocolates. Now I feel comfortable eating treats and not punishing myself for it or sabotaging my diet. Last week I had huge chocolate cravings, so I bought a box of my favourite chocolates and I ate 1/4 of the box until I felt satisfied and then I put them away for when I next feel like indulging. Even little things like yesterday I ate 2 chocolate bullets at work, but I don't feel like that means I should give up and eat the whole packet anymore.

I exercise as much as I can, but if I am busy or sick I don't put pressure on myself to do it because otherwise I will get burnt out and give up. I still don't really enjoy exercise very much so I try to be more active in my every day life and do exercise that I enjoy such as swimming and weight training. I know that I should do more cardio, so I try to get on the treadmill while my favourite shows are on or do a quick exercise DVD.

I no longer feel like my eating and exercise need to be perfect for me to successfully lose weight and be healthy. I know that perfection is not sustainable so instead I aim to make healthy choices when I can that still enable me to live the life that I want to live.

Motivation???

It seems I have reached that point in my diet where my motivation has disappeared. There is only so long you can diet on motivation alone, eventually it disappears and things get hard. This is the point where I could find excuses to give up (I have a million of them ready- I'm starting a new job, it's nearly Christmas, I'll start in the New Year) or I could buckle down and do the hard work.

Friday afternoon I started to feel that old familiar feeling of wanting to eat mindlessly. I started snacking on basically anything I could find to eat. My choices at home were limited- damn my healthy shopping habits, so I ate saladas, cup-a-soup and popcorn. This is how it starts for me.

I don't wake up one morning and make a conscious decision to eat crap and give up on the diet. It happens slowly, I will start by over-eating healthy food and tell myself it is ok because it is healthy. Then a take away sneaks in for dinner because I am busy, then I think I will just get through the week doing the best I can and start again next week. This eventually turns into greasy work lunches, chocolate in the afternoons to give me a boost, take away for dinner every night and too much alcohol on weekends.

So the mindless eating continued until Monday afternoon when I realised what I was doing and that I was either going to eat crap until some point in the New Year and gain about 12 kilos or I could stop now and try and get through the holidays without gaining weight and possibly even lose some weight. While it may be fun to let loose over the holidays (ok, a lot of fun!), I am choosing to keep working at this because I don't know how many more times I can lose weight and re-gain it and then lose it again. This cycle is killing me and I don't want to do it anymore.

It is going to be a tough few weeks and I honestly don't know if I can do this but I am going to do my best to make the best choices I can over the holidays. I think if I am careful I can have a good time, enjoy the yummy foods and not gain weight. I just keep thinking that there is no giving up and starting again, this time is for life.

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow. I am so nervous, not sure what to wear... Every outfit I try on looks fine when I stand up and suck my stomach in, but when I sit down I look like a 3 tiered wedding cake. Sigh.

Weigh Day

I weighed in this morning to register a 1.5 kilo loss (3.3 lbs), taking me down to 102.2 kilos (224.8 lbs). This means that I am now at my lowest weight of the year and the lowest weight I have seen for about 4 years.

I was stoked to see such a good loss this week, but I suspect some it might have to do with the nervous tummy I had yesterday... I had a cocktail party last night for my new work and I was so nervous that I spent most of the day in the bathroom. The cocktail party went well, but I will never wear high heels again, or at least not until I lose about 35 kilos. I felt like crying by the end of the night my feet were hurting so much- big mistake. The good news is that I managed to restrict myself to 1 glass of champagne and I didn't eat anything. I must admit that it wasn't that hard to do because I was still feeling sick and didn't feel like drinking and I didn't want to risk trying to eat canapes while talking to clients. I could just see myself dropping food down the front of my dress or being asked a question after I have just stuffed something in my mouth.

So now I have 4 weeks to lose that final 2.2 kilos and get to 100 kilos by the end of the year. Normally this would seem pretty easy, but I think the fact that I have a new job, about 5 Christmas parties, my birthday, Christmas, a weekend away and New Years Eve in those 4 weeks will make the task a bit more difficult. It is such a fun time of year that I dn't want to miss out on too much. My goal is still to be under 100 kilos by the end of this year, but if I do the best I can and don't reach that goal then I won't be too disappointed.

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

So I have been at home on the couch feeling sick and sorry for myself for a few days and it is harder then it sounds. All I feel like doing is eating. I am bored and it seems only logical to use food to entertain myself...

So far I have resisted stuffing myself with chips and chocolate cake, but I have been eating more and exercising less then I normally would. I am starting to feel like a sloth. I got up this morning and did a 30 minute Rolling Hills walk on the treadmill, but I felt awful by the end of it. I probably shouldn't have pushed myself, but I can't help but feel guilty for doing nothing.

I forgot how hard it is to be healthy when you are at home all day and don't have a set routine. When I was working I was too busy to procrastinate all day about exercise, I just got up and did it before work. Now I sit here on the couch for 8 hours telling myself I'll do it after Kerrie-Anne, I'll do it after Dr. Phil, I'll do it after Oprah. Until I finally come up with a great excuse as to why I shouldn't do it at all.

All this free time has given me too much time to think as well. I am starting to shit myself about starting this new job. I am wondering whether I got myself in over my head and I am scared I am going to stuff up. Then I start fantasizing about moving to the country and opening up a cupcake shop and living the simple life.

I am also torn about what I should do with my next week off. Apart from Christmas, it could be a long time until I have another break, so I feel like I should make the most of it and just relax. Maybe sun bake in my courtyard, read books and eat whatever I feel like. Then I think I should use this time to focus on diet and exercise before the holiday season. Then today I started to wonder if I should jump on a plane to tropical destination for a few days of pina coladas and pampering.

I know it sounds like I am creating problems out of what is a pretty great situation, what is that saying about idle hands being tools for the devil or something???

Weekend Update

I am normally a pretty slack blogger, but now that I have some time on my hands I can blog a little more. So here are a few random things from my weekend...

I went out on Friday night with the plan to only have 1 or 2 drinks, but I had 6. I am still pretty happy with that because normally I have 15+ drinks on a night out. The other problem was the kebab I ate on my way home. I have to accept the fact that I can't control my eating when I drink. No point being in denial about this anymore.

I started feeling sick before I went out on Friday night and by the time I got home I had a raging cold. I have only been sick 3 times in the past few years, first when I left my last job, then when I went on holidays to New Zealand and now that I have left my current job. So I only ever get sick when I relax it seems, I guess it is good because my body always seems to keep me going when it needs to and falls apart when it gets a break.

I went to a wedding on Saturday and my eating was a bit out of control because I just didn't care. It started with a Vegemite and cheese sandwich before I left and went from there. I didn't drink at the wedding though, but I can't really take the credit for that because it was only because I felt too sick. I don't mind that I ate a bit crazy because my body needed it and the main thing is that I woke up on Saturday morning and got back on track.

John Howard was finally ousted from power on Saturday night and I feel so much safer already. It has been a good year for me and my family with Geelong winning the AFL premiership flag and now the Labor party back in power- pretty much the only two things we can all agree on.

I went shopping on Sunday and boy did I shop. I bought all new make up, new perfume (the Christina Aguilera one), 3 pairs of shoes for work, 2 skirts, 1 shirt and 1 top for work, 2 bras, matching yellow pyjamas, slippers and dressing gown for summer. I felt like I needed all new stuff before I start this new job, they make me feel like a new person. I would have bought more clothes but the shops are filled with summer party clothes and there wasn't much that was appropriate for work. This is the worst time of year to shop for work clothes.

I tried on some clothes from my wardrobe and 2 shirts I bought last year finally fit me. I feel like over the last week my body has started to change a bit. Three people have noticed my weight loss (I have lost almost 25 kgs all up and barely anyone has noticed) and even I can see it now. I think it is the exercise I am doing, it seems to be really making a difference. I have even started jogging on the treadmill, only for a few minutes at a time, but it makes me feel great. There is a 5km fun run setting on my treadmill and I think I might set a goal to be able to do it by this time next year. I have never been able to run, even when I was a kid, so it is a huge goal for me to be fit enough to run for a sustained period of time.

Today (Monday) I am spending the day on the couch watching Oprah and Dr Phil and it is just what I need. I am hoping by the time I start my new job in a week and a half I will be so bored I am dying to work again. Right now I am loving this time off, I feel so grateful to have a great new job and a holiday in between. Do you ever stop and wonder how in the world you got this lucky? That is how I feel now.

Exciting News!

This week I registered a 1.1 kilo (2.4 lbs) weight loss which brings me down to 103.7 kilos (228.1 lbs). I am really pleased with that loss considering I had a big loss last week and I have also had a crazy week this week.

On Tuesday night I was offered a new job that I applied for a couple of weeks ago. It is probably no secret that I hate my current job, so to say I am pleased is an understatement. I will now be working as a managing editor, which is a pretty huge step up from my last job. I get my own office and I will get to travel a lot too apparently.

The tricky part is that I am now going to be working for a direct competitor of my old job, so when I told the president of the company on Wednesday morning they asked me to leave by the end of the day and escorted me from the building. I get paid out my 4 week notice period which is great, but the whole thing was a bit upsetting. I was only allowed to tell my colleagues from my department and most people were not happy for me. They were quite hostile and nasty about it actually. I think most of that is probably because they are nervous that I will take confidential information with me to a competitor and some of them are jealous that I now have a better job then them. Anyway, I am trying not to take the whole thing personally, everyone else that I work with have been really happy for me, so that is nice.

So you can imagine that exciting news like this could upset the diet a bit- well I normally use any excuse anyway! On Tuesday night when I found out I got the job I went and had champagne with one of my colleagues, but I only had 2 glasses and then stopped. Then my flat mate suggested my favourite gourmet burgers for dinner as a celebratory treat, but I managed to resist and instead suggested we had home made fajitas which are another favourite of mine and are a lot healthier. Then of course on my last day I had lunch with a couple of friends to celebrate and because I work near Lygon st we had pasta and I managed to order a tomato based veggie filled pasta (instead of my normal creamy cabonara) and I only ate half of it because it was a huge serve.

The coming week is going to be even tougher, tonight I have drinks with friends from work, tomorrow I have a friends wedding, Tuesday I am having lunch with my new colleagues and Thursday my new work are having a cocktail party for all our clients and I am going along to meet everyone.

I just can't afford to drop the ball at the moment, I am only 4 kilos away from being under 100 kilos and traditionally the closer I get to my goals, the more I lose focus. So over the next week I am going to step up the exercise, stay away from alcohol as much as I can, avoid canapes and make the best choices I can when I eat out. I start my new job in 2 weeks and by that time I want to be at my lowest weight of the year and I have 5 and 1/2 weeks to get under 100 kilos. I think it will be tough, but if keep focussed I can do it!

Weekly Weigh In

I jumped on the scales this morning with anticipation because I could just feel that I had lost weight this week. My body felt better and felt more energetic (which is probably just a result of the exercise and fresh foods). I wasn't disappointed and managed a 2 kilo (4.4 lbs) loss this week bringing me down to 104.8 kilos (230.5). I guess some of that was probably the fact that at my weigh in last week I had just eaten a big meal of Mexican, so it was probably showing me higher then I actually was last week.

I am now only 2.1 kilos away from my lowest weight of the year and only 5 kilos away from being under 100 kilos- my biggest goal and something I haven't achieved in years. I have a lot on between now and Christmas, but I am hoping to get under 100 by the end of the year. I will just have to make sure I am sensible at Christmas parties... easier said then done!

The Biggest Loser (US version) is on here is Australia on Friday nights now which is a blessing because it keeps me from wanting to order a pizza because that is just makes me feel too guilty- not that I haven't done it before... I think it is going to be a big help because Friday night have traditionally been my weakness.

There has been lots going on but I don't have time to chat because my boss has the audacity to ask me to do some work this morning- doesn't she realise that Friday morning is my blogging time?!

Tag and Brag

Firstly I just wanted to brag that for the first time in months (years?) I was spot on with my eating all weekend. I made a beautiful home made pizza and even made my own base with wholemeal flour. I also got off my arse and went for a swim and did my Biggest Loser exercise DVD. The best part about it was that it wasn't difficult to eat healthy this weekend because I made sure I didn't deprive myself.

I can't believe how long it has taken me to realise that when I starve myself it only makes me want to binge. Well I guess I always knew that, but I just thought that I should be strong enough to resist. I thought I should put unrealistic pressure on myself to be perfect, which of course I couldn't live up to and I just got fatter and perpetuated a vicious cycle. Even now that I am aware of this it is still difficult to make the right choices. I hope with time it will be more natural for me to feed my body the right foods at the right times.

Now for the fun, the gorgeous and vivacious Livy from The Meanderings of a Woman's Outback Life has tagged me:

Four dishes I like to cook
These are mostly because I like to eat them and so I cook them a lot!

1. Zucchini quiche
2. Pizza
3. Chicken, veggies and gravy
4. Cupcakes

Four qualities I love in people
If only I could be more like this myself...

1. Sensitivity
2. Compassion
3. Sense of humour
4. Wisdom

Four places I have been
Up until recently this list would have been a bit shorter...

1. Queenstown (NZ)
2. Tokyo (Japan)
3. Townsville (Australia)
4. Sydney (Australia)

Four things in my bedroom
I am into uncluttered spaces, so my room is quite bare.

1. Laptop
2. Book on the bedside table
3. Lots of clothes in my wardrobe that don't fit
4. Vibrator

Four dirty words I like to use
Most of these seem to be related to men, not that I hate men or anything...

1. Prick
2. Arsehole
3. Bastard
4. Fuckwit

Friday Weigh In

So today I weighed in with a 100 gram gain, which I was very much expecting and I was just happy to see it wasn't more. I ate out a lot this week, so I tried to counter that with exercise and trying to make good choices when I could. I am dying to see the scales go down, but I am happy to see I can pretty much maintain during busy times of life as well.

This week has been a good test for my 'all or nothing' mentality and I am pleased to see that I managed to make balanced decisions. I am shocked by how hard it is to force myself to eat when my instinct is to try and starve myself after what I perceive as over-indulging. At the same time I find it even harder to stop myself eating once I start. Who would have thought it is so difficult to eat a normal size portion of food and then stop?!

Last night I went to dinner with a friend (Mexican- yum) and then we went to see the band Crowded House, by the time I got home it was quite late and I was starting to feel a bit peckish. My flatmate had left over pizza in the fridge and my natural instinct was to think "well I already ate Mexican food, I may as well eat pizza now". I have to stop and remind myself that just because I ate something less then healthy, it doesn't mean I have to totally go crazy and binge.

Similarly, as I mentioned in my last post, my brother's girlfriend introduced me to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. After hearing how much I liked them she gave me a pack to take home with me. As soon as she handed them to me my first instinct was to decline them and say that I am on a diet. Then I realised that just because I am eating healthy, doesn't mean I won't ever eat chocolate again. I can take them and eat them next time I feel like I want chocolate.

My main aim over the past few weeks has been to live a balanced life of healthy eating, exercise, work and fun and I think if I keep focussing on that I will be on the right track.

Weekend Ups and Downs

I have had a bit of a upsetting weekend because my brother and his fiance broke up on Saturday. She came here from Canada a few weeks ago (they met online) and they were due to get married on the 1st December. On Saturday she decided she didn't want to marry him anymore. So she has been distraught, she really didn't stop crying for like 48 hours. I picked her up on Saturday and took her to my mums because she doesn't know anyone and has no where to stay. My brother is obviously also devastated and I am pretty worried about him. He has bipolar and can have trouble dealing with things at the best of times. Anyway, I just feel heartbroken for everyone involved, it is so sad. I really thought this would be his chance to be happy.

My eating was a bit average on the weekend, but I'm not really worried about it. I went for drinks after work on Friday and then got maccas for tea when I was drunk. Then on Sunday night I went out for dinner with a friend to South Bank and didn't eat too healthy. I had the most divine dessert- Banoffee Pie. I had never heard of this before, it was a caramel tart with banana slices, whipped cream and shaved chocolate. It was so good, just what I needed as a pick me up! Then I went to visit my other brother and his partner (who is also Canadian) and she gave me some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. We don't really have these in Australia which is lucky for me because they are so delicious! I swear I would be twice my size if I lived in North America and had access to the yummy junk food you guys have!

I went shopping on Saturday and successfully managed to avoid the greasy food court and instead had a salad from Sumo Salad for lunch. Even better, I didn't feel deprived and it wasn't a hard choice to make- I wanted to get something healthy. I guess I was also inspired by the 2 dresses I bought for the Christmas season. They are both quite flattering and I am excited to find an occasion to wear them! So I didn't eat perfect, but I don't mind because these things happen and I continued to do my exercise and make good choices when possible.

I feel good about the fact that I am not being obsessive about counting calories and I am letting myself enjoy life. I tend to get so obsessive when I diet, I am such an all or nothing person. So I keep trying to think about how I can sustain this for the rest of my life and for me that means splurging every now and then with friends and family because that is real life.

First Weigh In

I am very pleased to announce that after almost 2 weeks I have lost 3.3 kilos (7.2 pounds)! I couldn't believe it when I stepped on the scales and saw that I had lost that much. I feel a huge sense of relief to get that 110 number out of my head. I am now only 4 kilos away from my lightest weight of the year, so it would be great if I could achieve that (and more) by then end of this year.

I am a bit surprised that I did so well considering that last weekend was a bit of a disaster calorie wise. I drank 3 bottles on wine on Friday night and then was so hung over on Saturday I just ate whatever to "settle my stomach". I will definitely be steering clear of alcohol this weekend.

The best thing I did was buy The Biggest Loser exercise DVD. I absolutely love it. I have only done the low intensity work out, but to me that was extremely high intensity. I felt like I worked out every muscle in my body. The best part was that I could do every exercise. A lot of exercise DVDs I have tried I can't physically even attempt some of the moves because I am just too fat and it gets in my way.

In slightly horrifying news, I have been invited to my 10 year high school reunion in March of next year. I knew this was coming, but I didn't think it would be until November next year- when we actually finished high school. I am trying not to panic, but if ever there was a night I will be judged it will be at my high school reunion. It is definitely a bit of added incentive to keep going with the low GI eating and exercise.

Finally, the good news for me is that I now have a 4 day weekend. Tuesday is a public holiday here in Melbourne for Melbourne Cup Day and I am taking Monday off just for good measure. I will try my best to keep eating healthy and exercising because I do tend to struggle a bit without routine.

Let's Try This Again...

I braved the scales on Monday morning and saw quite a shocking gain. I am back up to 110 kilos (242 pounds). I literally did a double take of the scales I was so shocked! I am hoping that some of that was just the Thanksgiving dinner I had stuffed myself full of the night before (I have 2 Canadian sister in laws, so we now celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving- any excuse!).

It was quite devastating to see so much hard work undone, again. I can't believe that I am back up in the 110 decade. I thought I had shaken that number for good this time.

Anyway, the gain is totally deserved, I have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want for a while now. Luckily for me there are still 10 weeks left of this year and still plenty of time to see this year out with a loss.

I am making a few changes this time though. You may have read a while back that I have been dabbling with shake diets on and off. I use them as a quick fix way to drop a few kilos, which is obviously not working! So this time I am doing it the right way- exercise and healthy eating. Since I have been on the shakes I have been too weak to exercise (the whole not eating thing can really take it out of you!) and I just feel so unfit. Then I went to Japan and there is nothing like an overseas trip to highlight just how unfit you are...

My brother is getting married on 1st December and I am resisting the strong urge to go on my shakes and drop 10 kilos before the wedding, instead I would rather feel healthy and energetic. So it will be tough to go back to doing this the slow way, but I think it will definitely be worth it in the end.

The main reason I like the shake diet is because it eliminates food from my life. I am still hungry and I think about food, but I don't have to plan anything around food. I guess I probably have a food addiction and allowing food back into my life is like telling an alcoholic they can have 1 beer a day, it can just send me spiralling toward a week long binge. I can go from the idea of cooking a chicken stir fry to eating KFC in a second in my head. I guess those are issues that I have to sort out if I ever want to live a long and healthy life and ignoring it won't make them go away.

Konichiwa

I'm back from Tokyo and glad to be home! I had a great trip, but I think at heart I am a bit of a home body and I am happy to be in my own apartment again. I very much like my creature comforts!

First thing first, I was totally fine in the toilet on the plane. Thanks for your comments, you really reassured me. I got on the plane and the first thing I did was test the toilets, then the seat belt and then that the tray could go down and I was ok with everything. I was ok in the seat, but I culd definitely do with a little more room to move...

Tokyo was much more overwhelming then I thought it would be. I was totally un-prepared for the culture shock, but it was a great experience. I spent most of my free time lost and confused. I got totally lost in Shinjuku train station and couldn't even find my way out, it was like a maze. I had no idea how hard it is to get around without language skills. I felt like I was walking around blind folded.

I felt like a giant compared to my tiny colleagues- if you ever want to feel fat, go to Japan! Everyone was lovely though and took me out for some great food and sake. I struggled to eat on my own and found myself going to Sizzler or for pizza because I couldn't understand the menus. The night I tried to go to a traditional Japanese restaurant I ended up eating tempura shrimp legs and leaves. Even when I tried to order normal food I would make mistakes and order 2 meals instead of 1 or a dish with mushrooms (which I don't eat). I also know why Japanese people are so thin, the portions are tiny. I was hungry almost the entire time I was there and found myself filling up on coke, pringles and oreos- the only food brands I recognised!

It is such an amazing city and I felt very safe even though I was so completely confused. I was there for work, but I managed to squeeze in some sight seeing. I spent a day in Shinjuku walking around the streets and looking in shops and a day in Ginza (window) shopping and then went to a kabuki show. Then I went on a bus tour and saw the Imperial Palace, Tokyo Tower, Asakusa Temple, Sumida River cruise, a Japanese tea ceremony and a sake bar.

Some observations about Tokyo: Everyone is polite (even if they don't mean it!), the streets are super clean, the fashions are cool, people work very hard, they eat rice and drink tea with every meal, the electronics are awesome, they love baseball, the trains are crazy busy, you can smoke in restaurants and the history and culture of the country is amazing. I know it sounds very stereotypical, but it was my experience anyway.

Here are some photos...

My hotel was part of an amusement park, strange, but fun!


A tempura bar at my hotel


Shrimp legs... am I supposed to eat those???


The view from my hotel room


My hotel room had a bidet, I think I am hooked!



Asakusa Temple


Nakamise shopping arcade


Me on a river cruise


The Imperial Palace


Bonsai!


Japanese tea ceremony


Tokyo Tower


A gorgeous little girl in traditional dress


Me in Ginza


The Kabuki theatre


Korean BBQ plate- Yum!


Pizza in a cone- what a brilliant idea!


Cheers to sake!


Soba noodles- Don't wear white when eating...

Sayonara

I am off to Tokyo for work tomorrow at the crack of dawn. I haven't really had time to get excited because I have been too busy getting myself organised. I am sure it will hit me when I get on the plane tomorrow. I am just looking forward to having 11 hours to sleep, watch movies and read on the plane. I am even excited about airplane food!

So a bit of a last minuted question... I have never been to the bathroom on a plane before because I have never been on a plane for a long enough period of time to necessitate it. Do you think I'll be able to fit in the bathroom??? I all of a sudden had a bit of a panic attack last night thinking about this. I am flying QANTAS, in case that makes any difference in regards to size. I remember looking at them on my last flight and thinking they look tiny and I have heard of people that can't fit in the bathroom on a plane. So should I start weaning myself off liquids now so that I am prepared for a long flight with no toilet break? Gees being fat is annoying!

It is so strange to think I will be in Tokyo tomorrow. I might not be able to post from there because I am taking a work laptop and I am scared of using it to blog in case my blog address gets saved in the history and someone from work finds it. Paranoid!

Notice I didn't post a weigh in today? No prizes for guessing why... :-)

Just Thought I'd Let You know...

WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me, my brothers and my brothers girlfriend enjoying our blue "Ablett" cocktails at half time.


In the final quarter we were pretty sure we had it in the bag!


After the game things started to get messy...

Not Again...

So I jumped on the scaled this morning to see yet another gain... Not much, 100 grams, but that is more then enough when you are expecting a loss.

I got up every day this week at 6.30am and exercised for 30 minutes before walking to work. I know 30 minutes isn't that long, but considering I haven't done much exercise for a while I thought it would be a good way to ease my way into things. Plus I walk 25 minutes to work and 25 minutes back every day, so I count that as exercise too.

I am guessing the problem might be the carbonara I ate for lunch yesterday. I was having a shocking day, nothing out of the ordinary just the usual "I hate my job and everyone I work with" kind of day. I kept repeating to myself "Food will not help", but in the end I caved and had a lovely carbonara on Lygon st and a glass of red wine and you know what- it did make me feel better!

I am disappointed, but I am not going to let it upset me. Plus I have much bigger things on my mind...

My beloved Cats are playing in the AFL grand final tomorrow against Port Adelaide. I tried everything in my power to get tickets, but sadly to no avail. :-( So I might go down to the Geelong home ground, Kardinia Park, and watch the game with other Geelong supporters on the big screen.

It has been 44 years since we won a premiership and we have had a great season:
- We finished on top of the ladder
- Joel Selwood won the Rising Star
- Jimmy Bartel won the Brownlow
- Our VFL side won the grand final
Now we just need to put the icing on the cake!




GO CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fu*king Gain

I am grumpy today! I got on the scale this morning to register a 1 kilo gain since my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. It is totally deserved because I ate crap all last week, but I was living in some delusional dream world where I thought everything would be OK.

So now I am in a bad mood and I just want this day to be over. Thank god it is Friday! Though Friday poses my usual challenge, can I get through tonight without a pig out? I haven't gone a Friday night without eating unhealthy in months. I can get through every other night, but Fridays I just lose it. Normally I wouldn't care too much because I am a big believer in having a break once a week, but I really want to get that unwelcome extra kilo off ASAP.

I get so screwed up by the numbers on the scale. Already when I look at myself I look fatter and my clothes look tighter. I know I shouldn't let it affect me so much, but I can't seem to stop letting those stupid numbers do my head in.

The good thing is that it has given me a bit of a push to do better and shown me that I am not invincible- if I eat take away every night I will gain weight. I am making a vow to post a loss this time next week. I am going to work my fat arse off!!!

Back On Track

***UPDATE: 7.00pm- Exercise complete- feeling great!***

I managed to claw my way back yesterday and I am feeling better already. It is good to feel like I have some control back over my life.

I had a terrible week of food last week and by Sunday night I felt puffy and bloated and all of my clothes were starting to feel uncomfortable. As much as I enjoyed all the yummy treats I ate last week, I don't want to go back to that lifestyle.

So I am back on track food wise and tonight I am even going to do some exercise. I have barely exercised in weeks (maybe months...) and I can really see it in my body. Everything feels loose and flabby. So now that I have announced I am going to exercise tonight, can someone please kick my arse if I don't do it? Thanks.

Falling...

I am falling off the wagon. I feel like I have lost all my weight loss spark. I just can't seem to get myself motivated to eat healthy or exercise. Every day that goes by with me eating crap I feel more panicked and disappointed in myself.

I hate this feeling, I feel so powerless and it just seems to come on with no warning. One day I feel unstoppable and then all of a sudden I just can't do it.

I really want to lose weight and get healthy and everyday I wake up with good intentions, but they all go out the window by lunch time. Then I eat too much and feel repulsive. It is a miserable cycle that I don't want to get stuck in again.

I am writing this down in the hope it will help me get back up on the wagon. Blogging is the best way to be honest to myself.

Official After Holiday Weigh In

I weighed myself this morning and I am back down to 103.9 kilos! I have changed scales recently and my new scales are about 1.5 kilos lower then my old scales, but I am pretty sure my new ones are more accurate. I wish losing 1.5 kilos was always so easy...

So I have 4 weeks until I got to Japan, if I can lose 4 kilos in that time I will be under 100 kilos before I go!!! It will be such a confidence booster to be under 100, I always feel so much better and more normal under 100 kilos.

I am so glad it is Friday! I still have to get through this day first though, I have so much work to do... Weekend plans: Shopping tomorrow, then to Geelong for a weekend with my old work mates there. Should be fun!

Turning Japanese

I don't know why I write such stupid titles. By the way, someone told me that song is about masturbating. I had no idea...

Anyway, what I am actually posting about is my exciting news. I found out today that my work are sending me to Tokyo for about 10 days at the end of this month. I am so excited!!!

I will have to actually work of course, but I will have 4 days off during that time to explore the city. It should be a blast, I have met some of my Japanese colleagues and they are so much fun.

Can't wait for some authentic sushi!!!

Now how much weight can I lose between now and then... It wouldn't be me if I didn't make this about weight loss! :-)

Spring has sprung

It is that time of year again... spring started yesterday, which means that summer is coming. We have had lots of sunny weather in Melbourne over the last week and it has given me a huge kick in the backside to get in shape before summer hits with a vengence.

To give you a particularly embarrassing/gross example of this is that I started getting a sweat rash under my stomach from the heat this week. I carry most of my weight around my middle (like most girls with PCOS) and in the hotter months it can get nasty under there. I have to use powder to stop the rash and it is painful and disgusting. I don't know if I can do enough to stop this happening again by this summer, but it is good inspiration anyway.

So there are about 12 weeks until summer and I intend to do some serious weight loss damage in that time. I am making a vow to be under 100 kilos by summer. If I can do this (when I do this) it will be the first time I have been under 100 kilos for summer in 9 years. I am not a big fan of the heat and I tend to gain weight in this time, rather then lose it like most people. This summer will be different.

Speaking of weight, I gained a ton of it on my holiday. I peaked at the scales last week and had gained a massive 5 kilos, now I have TTOM so it is only going to be worse. I think a lot of that will come off in the first week or two, there is no way I gained 5 kilos of pure fat! I'll do an official weigh in tomorrow.

Coming up over the next few months I have the following events that I want to get into shape for, most of which will require me wearing a dress or being in photos that will hang in my family house for the next 40 years:

My graduation from uni
My cousins engagement cocktail party
Spring racing carnivale- Melbourne Cup
My brothers wedding

I also have heaps of birthday parties and smaller events in the next few months as well, so it is going to be a huge challenge to lose weight as well enjoy myself at all of these events. I just need to accept that there are going to be days when I eat/drink more then I should, but the next day I just keep going and not beat myself up.

Home Again

I'm back in Melbourne, back at work and back in the real world. Wouldn't it be nice to be on holidays forever...

I feel a bit lost because so much of my energy has been toward this holiday and now it is over and it feels like the day after Christmas. I need some new things to look forward to. We don't even have any more public holidays in Melbourne until Melbourne Cup Day in November.

I'll leave you with a few photos from the day in Milford Sound- a truly remarkable place. The photos cannot come close to showing the beauty and magic of this place.

We caught a bus at 7am and didn't get back until 7pm so it was a long day. I was so sick on the bus (motion sickness) we nearly caught a helicopter back to Queenstown because I didn't think I could handle the trip home, but it was going to be over $1000, so I sucked it up and got back on the bus! It was worth it in the end because we had a cruise down Milford Sound and it was lovely to get some fresh air and take in the beautiful scenery.

Quick Hello

Today is my last full day in New Zealand, I leave to go home to Melbourne tomorrow afternoon. I'll be sad to leave and especially sad to go back to work! I must admit that being on holidays can be exhausting, I think I need a holiday to a tropical island just to recover from this holiday!

I'll write more when I get back, but I'll leave you with a few photos taken yesterday from the top of the Ben Ohau Mountain Range near Mt Cook. I took a helicopter flight over the mountains and glaciers and this is where we landed. It was truly amazing!


Me in front of the helicopter- the blades really freaked me out!


The view from the top- hard to capture how awesome it was in a photo!


Me playing with the soft snow- I couldn't feel my hands for about 10 minutes after that!

Photo's from NZ!

Hello from freezing cold Queenstown, New Zealand!

I am having the best time of my life! Things started off well when my seatbelt on the plane fit me easily and the food tray could fold down. I was more nervous about that then flying! I had a pretty painful flying experience with my cold. My ears amost exploded and it looked like I had 2 black eyes until we landed from my sinuses going crazy from the pressure. I am just starting to feel better now, but I haven't let my cold stop me from doing anything- the medication does make me a little drowsy though...

We arrived in Christchurch around midnight and checked into our gorgeous hotel. I was too excited to sleep, so I walked about the city for a couple of hours. I noticed police everywhere and it wasn't until the next day when I saw the paper that I could see why!

Saturday morning my first mission was to seek out the Ezibuy outlet store. I looked on the map and it seemed like you could walk there... 2 hours later... It also didn't help that I got lost. Anyway, I got myself the hottest bra ever, I am tempted to post a picture of how sexy my boobs look in this bra, but no one needs to see that! So I followed that with some great buys from a shopping mall near by- who knew you can buy so much cheap fat clothes in NZ, much cheaper then Australia! I got 2 knit tops for $20 each, black pants for $40, black singlet top for $10 and silver ballet slippers for $40. I could have bought lots more too, but I stopped myself.

My hotel rate included a free buffet breakfast. There was everything you could imagine and more. The first 2 days I made a pig of myself and suffered for it after, finally on morning 3 I learnt my lesson and had a light breakfast of toast and fruit and I felt so much better! At least I learnt eventually...

Sunday we spent the day in Akoroa, a gorgeous little sea side town about an hour and a half from Christchurch. After recovering from my car sickness we wandered the town and ate home made fudge and fish and chips. The scenery was just lovely (you'll get sick of hearing me say that!). Then we drove back through Lyttleton, another cute little sea side town.


Me on a pier at Akoroa

Monday we drove to Queenstown and below are a few snaps from our 8 hour car trip (with lots of sight seeing in between):


The big salmon (?) in Rakaia


Morning tea in Geraldine, or should I say, me stuffing my face...


Lake Tekapo- much more beautiful then the photo suggests!


Lunch in Twizel, I just had to take a photo because it is such a funny name for a town.


We finally arrived in Queenstown and this is the view from my hotel balcony- beautiful!


This is me eating poutine, I saw it on the menu and just had to try it because we don't have it in Australia and my brothers Canadian girlfriend is always talking about it. It was yummo! And yes my cheeks are really red from the cold!


Hot chocolate and a kiwi- what more could you ask for on a NZ holiday?!


This morning at the snow. Oh my god it was fu*king cold!!!


On the way down from the mountain- and if I look green it is because those roads were really scary!


After all that snow I needed some wine to warm me up at a local winery


...And food


Then tonight I went on a gondala ride- and yes I look a little scared!


Then to a traditional Maori Haka show and guess who got dragged on stage to participate even though I hid my head in my hand bag pretending to look for my camera when they were calling for volunteers... I got a photo with a couple of the people from the show after.

So that is about it for now. Apparently it might snow in town tomorrow, I will be so excited if it does because I have never seen snow fall from the sky. I have heaps planned for the next few days and i'll post more photos when I get back. I hope you like the photos! I have always been to scared to post photos, so i'll probably remove them next week.

I have eaten so much lovely food and drunk beautiful NZ wines, but I have also walked everywhere, so I am not too worried. I have done so many things that I would normally be too scared to do or try. Every time I see a 'safe' option I make myself try something new and I haven't regretted it once. I hope that I'll continue to live my life this way once I finish holidays.

I think I might go for a walk for some more hot chocolate- I can't get enough! Good night, I am missing all your blogs terribly and can't wait to catch up. :-)